Monday, January 15, 2007

Only shades of grey...

Hi Bloggers.

Things seem to have been a little off lately, and it seems to be continuing. I don't tend to blog when things are like this for me, but it seems to be all around at the moment. Those that I care about seeem to be immersed in this grey, sad fog, me included. For myself, I'll blame it on hormones, I know it will pass. But other things add the the bleakness at present. Our run of bad luck is continuing. The DVD/CD stereo player has died. A lovely guy I know lost two of his grandparents last week. He was already struggling with the whole life/death/futility/bad-things-happens-to-good-people stuff as is was. Another lovely friend is dealing with the endstages of her father's journey with mesothelioma. And GG will be leaving me soon.............

The clean-up at mumndads for GG's room was completed over a very huge day, and unearthed fact that the re-furbishment is a lot more work and expense than we had anticipated. My father 's attitude towards this hasn't made the job any easier. He was so pleased that we were cleaning out "mum's junk" as he called it, and started cleaning out another shed, also originally Mum's, that he has taken over, but didn't touch a single thing of his own. My mother coped surprisingly well through all this, only blacking out a couple of times. 12 yrs ago, Beloved and I built a large garage at mumndads complete with bathroom and kitchen, insulation and painted gyprock, that we lived in for 2 years. Mum was very unwell, so we had sold our home in Tamworth, losing quite a bit of money in the process, rented for a year, then sunk the remainder of our money into the garage to live in while we found our feet, and Mum's health returned. As soon as we moved out, Dad moved his gear in, as expected. I have never regretted this time. This weekend I asked him if we could move his equipment into mum's shed for him to use as a workshop to save the time and expense of fixing out yet another shed in their yard. His answer was, of course, no. That would be too hard for him to manage, and one of his cars wouldn't be able to reside in the shed (1974 volkswagon passats, both of them). I am angry with him over this decision. It didn't help that he snickered that he might move in after GG moves out though. Beloved and I don't have endless cash, and the time, expense and effort to fix up the shed seems overwhelming at the moment, especially when there is already a space for GG, if Dad would let her use it. We only wanted the kitchen area and about 6 square metres in the back corner out of his 9 x 6 metre shed. If I'm acting selfishly or in a petty, spoiled way, then I know where I get it from.

GG has gone on her first road trip with a friend last night, and didn't call me to let me know she had arrived...I had to call her at nearly midnight. Not good enough!! The friend she went with had only had her licence for a week...They were travelling 3-4 hours away to visit Kim's Granny at Manning Point..She also had, in her own words, "a very minor bingle" yesterday. She had gone to a party at Scone on Saturday night, and was on her was home when she pulled out of the horse stud where the party had been held, without fully stopping, checking the gear she was in, or judging the speed of the on-coming vehicle corrrectly. This has been a habit of hers that I have not been able to break. Maybe it will be now......Consequently, BANG! Her car has minor damage that we won't even bother to repair. She says that there is very little damage to the other drivers' car, and he has her details (insert our details in here), and he was very nice...but she didn't get any details from him! He's going to contact us. Maybe we will get lucky here...I will go and see BestiePat, who was with her at the time of the accident, and see if he can shed any light on the subject. GG won't be home until Tuesday night; all this info was relayed to me over the mobile phone last evening. Oh...and by the way....BestiePat is now Boyfriend Pat...Anyone surprised here???????

What else.????.....Beloved and I had a big dummy spit on Saturday morning...over changing the toilet roll..guess who's hormonal, and who isn't used to arguing...A very frosty afternoon ensued....We've never argued much, and consequently aren't used to it, so I guess we've never had to put much conflict resolution into practice. Beloved's idea of conflict resolution is to go away or to bed until I/we get over whatever is bothering either of us..This leaves me floundering and smouldering...He relies upon my easy nature and inability to stay mad for long. As I said to him yesterday, things aren't going to get easier in the mood swings department, so we'd better find ways to deal with it...or I might just have to move out for the next 15 yrs or so...The problem with that is, I might just get used to it........We've never even partaken of make-up sex........Have we been ripped off, or what?????

Just to top things off, one of my dearest friends is at odds with her family. It concerns the care of her aging parents. To cut a long story short, she and her family have been the major care providers for her father in law, who lives in a granny flat with them, but is sort of independent. She is angry that his other children have stated that they don't want him to come and live with them. Her parents now need family to help them maintain their lifestyle in their own home, and because she lives 4 hours away, and they all live closer, the care is their responsibilty not hers. She is totally against the idea that she should be involved, and stated that 'If ----sister-in-law (whom she hates & will go out of her way to insult) will look after my father-in-law, then I'll travel to look after my parents"........She cannot see that she is missing out on what is looking to be the twilight with her parents, and that nothing is more important than this time. Her father has very rapidly developed dementia, and is increasingly frail..she thinks that he needs to go to hospital..... this will probably do him more harm than good...her mother has resisted any professional intervention for the fear that he would be placed into a nursing home..she can't bear the thought of being parted from him..... My friend has many unresolved issues and is not very good at reasoning....and bears a grudge for a long time......as a family, they are not nice to each other....

So the last thing I did last night was to upset my friend by suggesting that her parents should be the most important thing at the moment...we have discussed before that she may need counselling where the family is concerned...she hung up on me...... Beloved said I was a bit hard on her. If anything, I was probably just realistic; this is a trait (or fault in some cases) of mine...he didn't hear the diatribe and vitriol on the other end of the phone......... I am a chicken..I sent her a text later on.....

I can't get our houseplans drawn up until we find out the extent of GG's little bingle and the re-furbishment of her room.....there's not enough money..... so here in the shed we stay.....

So here endeth the weekend.

And the blog.....Whew!!!

And that's probably why I don't blog when I'm blue. I'm not even sure if I feel any better. It doesn't matter. I'll get over it. I am the Blogmuggle. See you all later. Do something that makes you happy...please....

4 comments:

Jacqui said...

Wow, what a mess around everywhere at the moment. It seems when one thing goes wrong, they all do, hey? Maybe you could try keeping a gratitude journal or blogging some lists of things you are greatful for. When I'm really down it helps me to focus on the positive, and as I said to Jen, at first you start off with small lists, but it does get easier to see the positive. Just a thought...
J xXx

Jacqui said...

BTW, love the new template!

Severina said...

Chin up chickee !

Lisa said...

god I love you cyndy- you are so real, so human-even a brussel sprout like me can see the massive shifts and changes that are occuring in your life at the moment, lots of cycles ending and new one beginning- unfortunatly, this is not always easy.....
Am more surprised that GG didnt call than I am about Pat being boyfriend, thats an interesting turn. As for fathers......well, you know mine, so lets just say, i do understand.
Hormones ? why not, throw them into the mix-its also hot and january and school holidays and after chrsitmas and blah, blah, blah........I LOVE you dear cousin of mine and Im sure your friend will too once she settles down-Honesty such as yours can be a bitter pill to swallow at times but she will get over it.
Be good to you Cyndy Loo- I love your blogs......