Monday, July 06, 2009

downhearted... this post comes with a numb-bumb warning

Forgive me Bloggers: it has been some time since my last blog.

Life is busy, and I seem to have really lost interest in anything computer-related. I have just checked out a few blogs every so often, maybe commented, and then just had a quick peruse of Facebook. Even emails are at the bottom of the "to-do" list.

SBoy came home for his little op last Thursday, survived his overnight hospital stay and he's doing well.

VBoy played football on Saturday and has socialised as much as has been practical when not engaged in school, footy or footy training. He plays at Swansea this weekend coming.

GG is enjoying her life at the moment, & is even attending a school-reunion & career day tomorrow in Muswellbrook. This is amazing, considering her disdain for all things Muswellbrook. She won't be coming home to see us though, as she has to work tomorrow night.

Beloved is recovering slowly from his bike accident & returned to work last Wednesday after 10 days off.

Me?? Well, life has revolved around everyone else, of course, with a bit of work thrown in to give me a bit of respite........ and money. Thank god for the money...and the distraction......

Today however, I crossed some personal boundaries with my dad. As I have previously mentioned, he is not easy, with a stubborn streak and irrational way of making things a tad difficult. Something as simple, say, as following a doctors instructions. Dad has had an on-going problem with swelling in his legs since his surgery. His GP's advice? Wear surgical stockings, elevate & rest the legs as often as possible, but make sure that you go for 15 minutes of gentle walking twice every day. It hasn't really happened. When I left him last week, I was not happy that his swelling & fluid retention had increased further up his body, which is usually a good indicator that something is not quite right with the workings of the heart & cardio system.

Another instruction? Don't drive for 4 - 6 weeks, and don't return to work until fully fit usually after at least 6-8 weeks....
Dad arranged with his boss to pick him up & take him to work last Thursday, 3 weeks after his surgery. Friday night, he called me to say that he was feeling fluey and unwell, but that he was going out for the evening. Early Saturday morning, he phoned me to say that he was more unwell & breathless, and needed the mum's left-over ventolin nebuliser medicine and where is mum's old puffer that he couldn't find? He has never, ever been prescribed ventolin, but was insistent & refused to go to the doctors. My brother, bless him, took dad to the chemist to buy one. It didn't help, as the breathlessness was the result of the increase in fluid pressing on dad's chest. He was also insistent that he needed me to return his car as he had to drive to work on this coming Wednesday, & felt that he didn't have the strength in his right leg to drive the old brown car in the shed. After work, he has tickets to a show in the evening, and needed to drive to that as well. I had arranged my week to return his car on Wednesday, so that on Thursday, 4 weeks after the surgery, he could take a drive up to the shops, or to visit his friends up the road, and gradually increase his driving time, as advised. But not my dad. He kept on nagging until I changed my arrangements & drove to Newcastle this morning & met he and my brother for his appointment with the cardiosurgeon. Dad said that he felt 100% better following the 1 diuretic tablet that he took yesterday as "it's cleared the phlegm and lets him cough better". He has not been prescribed this since his return home following surgery, but lack of a prescription has never stopped him taking medicine before.

His surgeon was not impressed. Nor was he impressed with the admission that dad had gone to work: he's not supposed to return for 2 months, nor to drive for 6 weeks, as his condition has deteriorated & he needs new blood pressure medications that he probably shouldn't have needed, including diuretics... He has had a chest xray, & will see the doc again next Monday.......

He was ropable upon our return home, & stated that he will drive when he wants to & go to work, regardless of what the doc says, as he feels fine and the doc is just "covering his arse...". Evidently, we should respect his right to make bad decisions. Which we do, but not when the lives of others can be affected........

The new medications may cause havoc with his blood pressure and the info sheets that he was insistent upon having advise not driving or operating heavy machinery in the first few weeks of taking it.........


Boundary crossing 1: I have driven home in his car, as well as taking the keys to the old brown one. I will not return until Saturday, and he's not getting the keys back yet either.

Boundary crossing 2: I contacted his boss to explain the situation, as he was unaware that dad had any issues as he had told them, of course, that he was just fine....... well derr.... that's why the nurses are coming to his home 3 days each week... they thought that it was miraculous that he has returned to work so soon after a major operation....... Dad feels that he will now lose his job as the company he works for will go bust without him there....... and they will think that he is a liar..... who put that thought there?????? ...

From my discussion with his boss, it would seem that he is quite a reasonable man, who would prefer have a healthy Ken back at work in a few weeks rather than one who is not going to be well for a while longer if he returns to work too early. He decided that he would pick dad up this Thursday sometime after 10 and bring him home again about 2 ish so that dad gets out a bit, but doesn't overdo it. I keep trying to find a compromise as I know that dad is hating being at home...... not that dad sees it that way.... I'm just too bossy & interfere too much..... It's got to be better than the 7 till 3 day that he did last Thursday.........

After a tirade on the phone after I arrived home this evening, I am going to make him sick, have a heart attack & vomit all night... evidently..... Well, that's your choice dad... whatever makes you think that this is easy for me?????

Boundary crossing 3: I visited the person with whom he was going out with on Wednesday night, & she informed me that she had expressed her doubts to him before he bought the tickets, but he was insistent that they should go as he would be fine...... There it is again... insistent and the "I" word again..... She is much happier with my disclosure to her. I told dad today that there was no way that I was going to let her go in the car with him.......

Dad is very big on the "I can", "I will", "he/she is doesn't know what they're talking about (even though they are an expert in their field)" & "I'm in charge". I get this: he's always been a control freak. He was something of a maverick in his younger days, with some wonderful achievements in his areas of interest. But he has enormous double standards. Most of the time, we accept that this is the way he is. But in this situation, his arrogance & irrational thinking has gone too far. When the safety of others is potentially compromised, then it's time to do the right thing. Because that's what my brother & I were taught to do: the right thing. Morally, dad is in the wrong, so he will just have to wait a bit longer.

When he IS well, and he is given his clearance to drive & work, then he can. The sooner the better as far as my bro & I are concerned, because it relieves us of the responsibilty that we have at the moment.

As I said to dad tonight:
"You need to just get over yourself & suck it up. You cannot just do whatever you want. You are Ken. You are not superman. You are 72yrs old, you have just had major surgery, and you will follow the same rules as everybody else. You were doing ok, and now you're not. If you were, then we wouldn't be having this conversation. We will fight & argue, & then get over it, because that's what families do..."

Of course, there was a lot more, but I'm sure you get the gist of things......... We have a lot to learn in the family stakes....... Hard work.

It's so sad..... I talk like this to dad, and it's my brother who dad said he will "Knock his block off if he comes anywhere near me tomorrow..."

Of course, he is going nowhere near dad... me neither..... I love you Glen <3

I find it so sad and disappointing that I have had to react in this way to my father's actions. But we were always aware that there would be issues. I took his car keys into protective custody while he was in hospital. I was just hoping that I wouldn't have to actually keep them.......


I feel so sick at heart.........

Well, that's a blog...... a few weeks worth, at least.

Am I off the hook now?

:0) ;0) ;0) ;0) ;0) ;0) ;0) ;0) ;0) ;0) ;0) ;0) ;0) ;0) :0) ;0) ;0)


Jewell said...

oh my god that was my dad down to a tee...he was just like that...and yes i had to stand up to him too a number of times..

hop0e he gets better real soon...sending love and healing your way xxx

Anonymous said...

top [url=]casino games[/url] brake the latest [url=][/url] free no deposit reward at the best [url=]bay watch casino