Monday, June 08, 2009

Send her victorious, happy & glorious........

The Queen's Birthday holiday. Thank goodness ;0)

A day of nothing really. Washing by the overflowing clothesline full, cleaning of the bathrooms, & watching some tv that Beloved had recorded yesterday for me while I was at work. He has busied himself around the house constructing & fitting architraves. He's lovely, & much, much more handy than he thinks. He hates doing this sort of stuff, but does it anyway ;0)

Oh... and no food: clear fluids, noodle-less chicken noodle soup & the pico-prep necessary for the colonoscopy scheduled for tomorrow. I dunno: jelly just isn't the same without drunken sponge cake, fruit, custard & icecream. My empty stomach has responded with an acidic mutiny.

Never mind: it will all be over soon. It will give me better perspective about how the patient feels..............

Cleaning the bathrooms out gave me time to think today. It may have simply been the effects of the bleach fumes.

Is it ok to walk out on a marriage because "We've nothing in common anymore"?

On the other side of the argument: "Is love enough to stay where other things are lacking?"

Neither of these has anything to do with my marriage (Oh yeah, as if, I can hear you say), but are words that I have heard from friends as relationships breakdown, seemingly irretrievably.
My mum reckoned that we don't try hard enough these days, but I used argue with her that life is short, so time shouldn't be wasted with someone that you don't want to be with.
I still think that this is the case. But not in every case.

As a society, we have been conditioned to believe that our own needs are paramount, with a "live for now mentality", and the social changes that we see these days are a reflection of that. More than half my friends are in a 2nd or 3rd committed relationship, struggling with the demands of blended families, stretched finances combined with the impositions of emotions and moods that extended families, partners, in-laws bring as well as trying to swim against the tide of overwhelming expectations to have the right house in the right suburb, the right car to drive around to all the after-school activities as well as an amazing education for our children who are supposed to be the best at everything that they do in up-to-the-minute fashions.

Is it any wonder that there's no time to "find" ourselves, or work out what can be made of a marriage that appears to be less than desired? Or that we think that this can only happen outside the "confines" of a marriage?

Sometimes I wonder if we can't see what we are looking for even though it's right there all the time. Can't see the forest for the tress, so to speak. Our poor old heads & hearts are so saturated with information & expectations.

In my line of work, I see a lot of octagenarian couples who are still devoted to each other. Other marriages may not have been so good. But a lot of these people have had the experience of making a life & growing old together. Wars, depression & deprivation, ill health, hard living conditions & meagre lives have all been part of their journey. But at the end of the day, they have each other.

Are we going to deny ourselves this dependable companionship in our "golden years" because the bells aren't ringing in the middle?

A lot of marriages are never meant to be, and it is the thoughts & actions of the individuals involved make it so. But is a marriage really meant to be with Prince Charming in the drivers seat and Mrs Perfect Housewife/Mum at his side? Is it possible to be individuals within a marriage, and still make it work?

I would like to think so. I am a romantic at heart, but a very practical, pragmatic one. I don't know if we are meant to be monogamous: maybe some of us are, & some aren't. It's whatever works for the individual.

But then, that's probably the hard part: finding out what works. And that takes time & patience. Maybe we need to make sure that we're not always looking for the greener grass only to find that it's greener because there's a sloshy old drain hidden under it that makes it so lush-looking.

Ah well: no answers here, just a few sociological ponderances.

Put it down to the bleach fumes, empty stomach and the colonic evacuation, hey ;0)

And that Beloved was eating chocolate in front of me when I couldn't have any..... Say, does anybody know a good laywer?

Goodnight all.

Take Care



Michelle said...

Yes. I would hope that there is monogamy within a relationship...but I also do not believe that we must stay where our heart isn't either, not after giving it your very best shot. But that's me.....

reason, season, lifetime....I am hoping for lifetime next :)

Cyndy said...

I agree, Michelle.

I was thinking more along the lines of monogamy like swans: you know, the mating for life thing.... I feel that monogamy within the relationship is essential, for most couples, anyway.

Just throwing some thoughts ouot there.

Natalie said...

I think it is possible, Cyndy.I see it as two complete people,coming together to make something greater than they were individually.It is still possible for both to acheive their own goals, it takes a willingness to share the limelight.I think that if you are with the right person, monogomy is a given. Why would you go looking elsewhere, if all your needs were being met?xx♥

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