You say, "why": don't ask me why...........

Hi.

It's been an unsettled few days here. I've lost track of the order of days. I think that it was Tuesday....

I found out that a lovely lady that I know had a massive heart attack at her home and died. I met E a few years ago when she was working at a local supermarket. She was one of those friendly people who always had a smile & kind word to say. She had changed jobs a few times, but her approach never changed. I used to see her out with her family, usually her mother, daughter & granddaughter. it's not often that you see 4 generations all together. And there was no mistaking that these girls were related. She may have been in her 50's: I'm not sure.

Then last night, I received a phone call from my NUM at the hospital in Muswellbrook to tell me that one of my workmates, C, had been brought into the hospital by ambulance, & had died.

C was 41years young.

I wasn't working at the hospital today, but C was one of those nurses that everyone knew. She was a people person, and very good at her job. She had re-trained a few years ago, so was familiar to a lot of departments from her clinical placements. On a personal level, C had had a bit of a hard time, marrying young and having 2 boys before the breakdown of her marriage. She then found happiness with a new man, G, and together they had a little girl, who is now 4. Her elder boys are about 17 and 22. The 22 year old is about to become a father for the 1st time, and C was very excited and very involved the arrival of her 1st grandchild, who is due to arrive at any time. It will be an incredibly bittersweet time when the baby arrives. C, who works as a nurse in maternity as well as the general wards, was going to be on hand at the birth. My guess is she still will be.

C had finished work yesterday afternoon and had taken her little girl to ballet lessons. She was chatting with the other mums, when she suddenly collapsed. A dr and a nurse who both knew C well attended her as they were also there at ballet lessons, but C wasn't coming back. The ambulance paramedics tried their hardest, and the nurses and drs at the hospital just kept on trying & trying, but to no avail. C was still in her uniform. She was one of ours.

Everybody was on autopilot at work today. Numb is a good word to describe feelings and actions. There was a debrief/get together at one of the local hotels this afternoon. Hospital staff, Drs, even the ambos came along. The sense of loss, shock and disbelief was profound. It wasn't easy to go, but necessary for those who were directly involved in particular, to help them verbalise and validate that they had done everything right. There was simply nothing that could have been done to bring C back. The cause of her death: a fatal aneurysm. There were no warning signs. Nothing could have saved her. It was just her time.

Other hospitals in the area are offerring staff to cover for C's funeral on Monday. That's what it's like in rural areas: we look after each other. Staff are already organising food for the "after the funeral gathering". In a couple of weeks, a bit of a roster will be put together to ensure that there is food in the freezer for C's family. There has been a huge push by top-level management to promote team work and the values of our health service. Well, we have news for them: if you want to see people that care, respect, support and love each other, just look at us.

But the grief here is palpable. And it will continue for the next few weeks at least.

It's so, so sad.

What am I supposed to say..... When I'm all choked up and you're ok?

Sunday in Blogmuggle land.

It's quiet....... shhhh

Vboy and his friend have "gone out" for a while...... there's not much to "see" or "go out" to, here.....

Beloved is motortrialsriding at PPark on the Hawkesbury River. He wasn't going to go, but I told him that he really should. Things have been a little chilly betweeen us over the last few days, so at least we wouldn't have to spend the day at home ignoring each other.......

I went to a lovely friend's 50th birthday party in Newcastle on my own yesterday due to the afore-mentioned chillyness. Beloved felt that it would be a little hard and uncomfortable ignoring each other in public. I think that the 2hr drive down & back would have been more uncomfortable.... for him anyway. I was just intending to immerse myself in a book.....

I picked GG up after she finished work. She told me that she would "Get maggot enough for both of us", and she did.... funny girl, that one. She's happy and in a good place right now, thankfully.
I had a fun time, talking, singing and dancing. It was a lengthy drive home at 1am: it was funny being Random Breath-Tested 1 house from my own though...... "You're nearly home, Ma'am", said the not-so-burly-police officer, Dave, ........ "yeah, hurry up so I can get there" thought I.......... That's the second time I've been RBT'd in my street....... It must brighten up their very long nights while they're cruising the backstreets of a sleeping country village...... If they'd been out on the highway a little earlier, they probably could have booked me for speeding... just a little bit....... Home by 0315hours.....

It's been an interesting week, workwise.

I've been at the side of 2 birthing women. I want to bottle those feelings and that "look" in the time after the birth when she's holding her baby in her arms with her baby at her breast for the first time. There's no-one else in the room, you know, just the two of them. So beautiful..... *sigh*. What a priviledge to be there. <3

And then there's the other end of the emotion and life scale. I was caring for an 87yr old lady I'll call Joy. I have been involved with Joy for a number of years whilst I have been working in the Day Centre. Joy, a widow, had developed Macular Degeneration, so her vision has been slowly deteriorating, so her walking and ability to function on a daily basis has been slowly reducing as well, but with a little help, Joy has been able to stay in her own unit, doing her own thing. That was until she had a stroke a couple of weeks ago. The poor love has lost the use of 1 side of her body, but worst of all, her ability to talk. And Joy was a good conversationalist: very switched on. She was transferred back to the hospital overnight; I volunteered for the job of taking to the Aged Care Facility since we had a little bit of a history. I was aware that Joy had never, ever wanted to "go to one of those places...." She had been fairly stoic, but a little teary. When we arrived in her room in her new home, I put my arms around around her as she sobbed her heart out. Her sobs were the only sounds that I had heard Joy make.......... I am concerned that she will just give up. But if that is her choice, then so be it. Dignity can be hard to maintain when you've come the point of your life that Joy is now at. To be with her was a priviledge, also.

It's been a very busy week, so having the weekend off has been something of a relief, not that it has been quiet.

I have a new favourite song this week. I think my friend, Stefan, would really relate to this one. he's only just starting to come to terms with and make a life for himself following the breakdown of his marriage of 20yrs to Faye. Faye's gone from strength to strength since the break-up, which she instigated, while Stefan has struggled. It'a song called "Break Even", by Irish group, "The Script". The lyrics are very reflective of the emotions of many folk, I think:


"I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just praying to a god that I don't believe in
Cos I got time while she got freedom
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even

Her best days will be some of my worst
She finally met a man that's gonna put her 1st
While I'm wide awake she's no trouble sleeping
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven

What am I suppose to do when the best part of me was always you
What am I suppose to say when I'm all choked up and your ok
I'm falling to pieces
I'm falling to pieces

They say bad things happen for a reason
But not wise words gonna stop the bleeding
Cos she's moved on while I'm still grieving
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven

What am I suppose to do when the best part of me was always you
What am I suppose to say when I'm all choked up and your ok
I'm falling to pieces
I'm falling to pieces
(One still in love while the other ones leaving
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven)

You got his heart and my heart and none of the pain
You took your suitcase, I took the blame.
Now I'm tryna make sense of what little remains
Cos you left me with no love, no love to my name.

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just praying to a god that I don't believe in
Cos I got time while she got freedom
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even

What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you
What am I suppose to say when I'm all choked up and your ok
I'm falling to pieces
I'm falling to pieces
(One still in love while the other ones leaving
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven)"

One day, I'm going to learn how to upload videos........ computer always says nooooooo....

BTW: there was no other man in Faye's life who "was gonna put her first"...... Faye just found and liked herself. I don't think that makes it any easier though: sometimes it might be easier if there's a third party to blame, don't you think?

Enjoy the rest of your Sunday, people!



Cheerio ;0) xoxoxoxoxo