What am I supposed to say..... When I'm all choked up and you're ok?

Sunday in Blogmuggle land.

It's quiet....... shhhh

Vboy and his friend have "gone out" for a while...... there's not much to "see" or "go out" to, here.....

Beloved is motortrialsriding at PPark on the Hawkesbury River. He wasn't going to go, but I told him that he really should. Things have been a little chilly betweeen us over the last few days, so at least we wouldn't have to spend the day at home ignoring each other.......

I went to a lovely friend's 50th birthday party in Newcastle on my own yesterday due to the afore-mentioned chillyness. Beloved felt that it would be a little hard and uncomfortable ignoring each other in public. I think that the 2hr drive down & back would have been more uncomfortable.... for him anyway. I was just intending to immerse myself in a book.....

I picked GG up after she finished work. She told me that she would "Get maggot enough for both of us", and she did.... funny girl, that one. She's happy and in a good place right now, thankfully.
I had a fun time, talking, singing and dancing. It was a lengthy drive home at 1am: it was funny being Random Breath-Tested 1 house from my own though...... "You're nearly home, Ma'am", said the not-so-burly-police officer, Dave, ........ "yeah, hurry up so I can get there" thought I.......... That's the second time I've been RBT'd in my street....... It must brighten up their very long nights while they're cruising the backstreets of a sleeping country village...... If they'd been out on the highway a little earlier, they probably could have booked me for speeding... just a little bit....... Home by 0315hours.....

It's been an interesting week, workwise.

I've been at the side of 2 birthing women. I want to bottle those feelings and that "look" in the time after the birth when she's holding her baby in her arms with her baby at her breast for the first time. There's no-one else in the room, you know, just the two of them. So beautiful..... *sigh*. What a priviledge to be there. <3

And then there's the other end of the emotion and life scale. I was caring for an 87yr old lady I'll call Joy. I have been involved with Joy for a number of years whilst I have been working in the Day Centre. Joy, a widow, had developed Macular Degeneration, so her vision has been slowly deteriorating, so her walking and ability to function on a daily basis has been slowly reducing as well, but with a little help, Joy has been able to stay in her own unit, doing her own thing. That was until she had a stroke a couple of weeks ago. The poor love has lost the use of 1 side of her body, but worst of all, her ability to talk. And Joy was a good conversationalist: very switched on. She was transferred back to the hospital overnight; I volunteered for the job of taking to the Aged Care Facility since we had a little bit of a history. I was aware that Joy had never, ever wanted to "go to one of those places...." She had been fairly stoic, but a little teary. When we arrived in her room in her new home, I put my arms around around her as she sobbed her heart out. Her sobs were the only sounds that I had heard Joy make.......... I am concerned that she will just give up. But if that is her choice, then so be it. Dignity can be hard to maintain when you've come the point of your life that Joy is now at. To be with her was a priviledge, also.

It's been a very busy week, so having the weekend off has been something of a relief, not that it has been quiet.

I have a new favourite song this week. I think my friend, Stefan, would really relate to this one. he's only just starting to come to terms with and make a life for himself following the breakdown of his marriage of 20yrs to Faye. Faye's gone from strength to strength since the break-up, which she instigated, while Stefan has struggled. It'a song called "Break Even", by Irish group, "The Script". The lyrics are very reflective of the emotions of many folk, I think:


"I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just praying to a god that I don't believe in
Cos I got time while she got freedom
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even

Her best days will be some of my worst
She finally met a man that's gonna put her 1st
While I'm wide awake she's no trouble sleeping
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven

What am I suppose to do when the best part of me was always you
What am I suppose to say when I'm all choked up and your ok
I'm falling to pieces
I'm falling to pieces

They say bad things happen for a reason
But not wise words gonna stop the bleeding
Cos she's moved on while I'm still grieving
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven

What am I suppose to do when the best part of me was always you
What am I suppose to say when I'm all choked up and your ok
I'm falling to pieces
I'm falling to pieces
(One still in love while the other ones leaving
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven)

You got his heart and my heart and none of the pain
You took your suitcase, I took the blame.
Now I'm tryna make sense of what little remains
Cos you left me with no love, no love to my name.

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just praying to a god that I don't believe in
Cos I got time while she got freedom
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even

What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you
What am I suppose to say when I'm all choked up and your ok
I'm falling to pieces
I'm falling to pieces
(One still in love while the other ones leaving
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven)"

One day, I'm going to learn how to upload videos........ computer always says nooooooo....

BTW: there was no other man in Faye's life who "was gonna put her first"...... Faye just found and liked herself. I don't think that makes it any easier though: sometimes it might be easier if there's a third party to blame, don't you think?

Enjoy the rest of your Sunday, people!



Cheerio ;0) xoxoxoxoxo